My 27th birthday is tomorrow. I just keep thinking about where I thought I would be at 27. I guess since I always said I'd start trying for a baby in Fall '08, I thought by March '10 I'd have a 10 month old. I guess sometimes things just don't go according to plan. Maybe this is God's way of teaching me a little patience... I mean, there has to be some reason, right??
I finished my last BCP on Thursday. It was sort of a surreal experience. I just kept thinking to myself, what if this is the last BCP I ever take?? (Because clearly after this, they aren't a necessity in the Bland household!) I also keep thinking about all the money I've wasted on BCPs over my lifetime.... I feel a little sick to my stomach thinking about it.
In other news, Dr. B continues to give my Lupron injections in the morning. They don't hurt but my belly continues to swell... it just seems a little unfair. I mean, it should be swelling because a baby is growing in it... oh well. I go in on Friday the 5th for my first or "beta" blood work and ultrasound. This is where they check to see how my body is responding to the medications, thus far. If things look good, I'll start my "stims" on Saturday the 6th. The stims or Gonal-F (aka the drug that almost cost me $2,000!!!) are used to help my body create multiple eggs. So, if all goes well on the 5th, I'll start the stims on the 6th, both am and pm. For those keeping track, this means three shots a day. oye. Honestly tho I'm really looking forward to starting the stims portion of this process, because it means we are nearing the finish line.
Once I start the Gonal-F, I'll go on March 11th for another round of blood work and another ultrasound to check my body's progress. If things look good here, they'll go ahead and schedule my E/R (yay). If things aren't progressing as they should, I'll continue on the Gonal-F and will go in every day or every few days for more labs and more ultrasounds, until my body looks the way it should (boooo).
I'm keeping my fingers crossed that my body cooperates (for once)!
Parting thought:
You know how it feels when you are stuck in traffic and want more than anything to just get to your destination? Well, that's sort of how infertility feels. You expect getting pregnant to be an easy and quick task and when it isn't, you get irritated, antsy and angry!
You know how it feels when you are heading out for a long road trip and you get in the mindset of, this is going to take a while, so I should just get comfortable? Well, that's sort of what IVF is starting to feel like for me. For the past 19 months I've been stuck in a terrible traffic jam, haven't been able to get to my destination, and have no idea why! Now that I'm going through IVF, I am sitting back and getting comfortable, because I know that deep down inside, I'll be to that vacation home soon.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Time Out
Today is day 6 of the Lupron injections and I'm already noticing some swelling in my belly. I noticed that my second-surgery scar is sort of, I guess, sinking in, in the middle. I checked with my new IVF message board BFFs and it sounds pretty normal. I'm just a little worried about fitting, comfortably, into my bridesmaid's dress at the end of March. I'm currently on 10 units of the Lupron and starting March 6 it will go down to 5 units. Hopefully, the swelling will go down then. I guess if all else fails, I'll just hold my flowers in front of my belly....for the entire night!
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Personal Foul
This weekend was a little rough. I found out that another person in my life is pregnant. I know I shouldn't have done this, but I made a list of all the people I know who have either gotten pregnant or had a baby during our TTC journey. It's hard to believe, but that number is up to 14! Again, I know I shouldnt have even written it down...
I've been spending a lot of time on thebump.com IVF message board. Though I am so lucky to have so many people in my life who are there for me 1,000%, it's really nice to be able to connect with people who are in the exact same boat as me. It's astounding to see how many people are battling infertility and how many have much more working against them than I do.
It's weekends like this when I get down on myself that I need to step back and 1) look at how far we've come, 2) look at how short a distance we have to go, 3) remember how many people we have rooting for us, and 4) stay positive that our first IVF attempt will be successful!!
I've been spending a lot of time on thebump.com IVF message board. Though I am so lucky to have so many people in my life who are there for me 1,000%, it's really nice to be able to connect with people who are in the exact same boat as me. It's astounding to see how many people are battling infertility and how many have much more working against them than I do.
It's weekends like this when I get down on myself that I need to step back and 1) look at how far we've come, 2) look at how short a distance we have to go, 3) remember how many people we have rooting for us, and 4) stay positive that our first IVF attempt will be successful!!
Friday, February 19, 2010
1st and 99
It's day two of the Lupron injections and I already feel like we're experts! Thanks to my husband- Dr. B we'll call him- I didn't feel a thing! I think it's funny that yesterday and today, I've been really concerned with the entire process- did we clean the area well enough?; am I too close to my last injection site?; did I lay down long enough afterwards?; should I lay down afterwards? knowing very well that a week from now I'll be grabbing the syringe as I'm running downstairs to feed the cats and injecting myself as I go. Okay, maybe I won't be that comfortable with the process, but you get my point.
I also just got off the phone with Caremark regarding one of the new meds. So, when I ordered the medicine I purposely requested the drug be sent mail order as my benefits cover speciality drugs much better via mail order rather than retail. The deal is that I order the specialty drug mail order and I only have to pay $250 for it. So you can imagine my shock and horror when they asked for my payment of $1,995 for the drug! After, Lord knows how many phone calls to both my employer and Caremark, I finally have a resolution! As it turns out Caremark's "Specialty Pharmacy" processes both retail and mail order claims. Blah, blah, blah, they processed the claim as mail order and TaDa- $250! What a relief! Trust me, with all the stress this process puts you through, money is very near the tippy-top of the list... "near" being the key word!
I also just got off the phone with Caremark regarding one of the new meds. So, when I ordered the medicine I purposely requested the drug be sent mail order as my benefits cover speciality drugs much better via mail order rather than retail. The deal is that I order the specialty drug mail order and I only have to pay $250 for it. So you can imagine my shock and horror when they asked for my payment of $1,995 for the drug! After, Lord knows how many phone calls to both my employer and Caremark, I finally have a resolution! As it turns out Caremark's "Specialty Pharmacy" processes both retail and mail order claims. Blah, blah, blah, they processed the claim as mail order and TaDa- $250! What a relief! Trust me, with all the stress this process puts you through, money is very near the tippy-top of the list... "near" being the key word!
Let the Games Begin!
My husband and I want to have a baby. I guess all we have to do is stop taking birth control and have sex, right? WRONG! What seems like such a simple process is quite certainly the farthest thing from it.
My name is Amie. I'm a 26 year old girl... ah hem, woman trying to conceive my first child. I've been married to my wonderful husband, Chris, for 3 and a half year and have been trying to create a child with him for the past 18 months.
It started out pretty typical, stop taking BCPs, have sex every few days, and wait for AF to miss her flight into town. When AF showed up right on time our first month, I thought nothing of it. When she showed up right on time for the next 4 or so months, I started to worry. You see, I have some medical issues that at the age of 17 forced me to have a pretty extensive pelvic surgery. When I didn't get knocked up right away, this surgery came immediately to mind.
My first step was to use an ovulation predictor kit to ensure I was at least ovulating....no good. I tried the kits for two months with no results and decided to see my OB. Our first decision was to try 50 mg of Clomid to see if that stimulated my ovaries...no good. Bump the Comid up to 100 mg...finally something! I can't even express how excited I was to just hear that'd I'd actually ovulated! Now I'm good to go and we should conceive any minute! WRONG!
After ovulating with the help of Clomid for four months (keep in mind this is 10 months into the ttc process) we finally dediced it was time to meet with an RE. So we did and we loved him! Can I just say how very important it is to feel.... well, important at a time like this? Trust me, all my chronic medical condition put me through for 4 straight years of my life is nothing compared to this struggle! But back to meeting our RE. After 10 months of feeling hopeless, confused, and very very different, we sat with our RE and after 15 short minutes finally had a plan of action. Finally!
Our first step was to see what was going on inside. Most importantly did my pelvic surgeries create any scar tissue around my tubes? I went in for an HSG test in October to find there was, in fact, scar tissue near my tubes- not blocking them- just near them. Of course I always kind of had a fear of this in the back of my mind, but like so many things in life I thought, eh- that will never happen to me. WRONG! When my RE explained the results of the HSG to me, it felt as if he'd just punched me in the gut. Truly, knocked the wind out of me. How could this be? I had one of the best gastrointestinal surgeons in the world! He performed surgery on the Pope for God's sake!
After collecting myself, it was time to move on and decide our next plan of action. As it turns out Clomid can actually decrease your fertility- or rather, you are more fertile without it. In addition, the HSG is actually known to increase fertility for a few months. With that said, we decided to go on a "Clomid break" for a few months to see what happens... After a month of this, I was ready to move on. I just didn't see any point in wasting any more time.
So this brings us to November and our first IUI. My RE opted to do a Clomid IUI with an HCG trigger shot. Something kind of interesting to point out here is that exactly 4 years to the day from when my husband proposed, he gave me my first ever fertility drug injection.... my how far we've come!
After our first IUI was unsuccessful, we opted to give it one more shot (pun intended) in December 2009.... again, no success.
I must say, two failed IUIs was a pretty tough pill to swallow. I'm not sure I've ever felt quite as down or hated my AF quite as much as I did when the second attempt didn't work. Why me? Why after all that I've already had to deal with am I now going through this? I know pitying myself won't get me anywhere so I've tried to only throw myself a few pity parties through this whole process, but you know what, sometimes, you just need a good cry!
So, after 19 months ttc, one not-so-great HSG, and two failed IUIs, we are on to plan Z- IVF. This is another one of those things that I've always had in the back of my mind but never, ever, ever thought I'd have to do.
I'm currently in the BCP phase of the process and started my Lupron injections on Feb 18th! It's such a surreal experience. Just the thought of how much technology has impacted my life. From my life-changing surgery to remove my large intestine some 9 years ago to gaining assistance in- hopefully- bringing a life form of my own into the world. How absolutely mind-boggling!
So that's my story I guess all that's left to say is Let the Games Begin!
My name is Amie. I'm a 26 year old girl... ah hem, woman trying to conceive my first child. I've been married to my wonderful husband, Chris, for 3 and a half year and have been trying to create a child with him for the past 18 months.
It started out pretty typical, stop taking BCPs, have sex every few days, and wait for AF to miss her flight into town. When AF showed up right on time our first month, I thought nothing of it. When she showed up right on time for the next 4 or so months, I started to worry. You see, I have some medical issues that at the age of 17 forced me to have a pretty extensive pelvic surgery. When I didn't get knocked up right away, this surgery came immediately to mind.
My first step was to use an ovulation predictor kit to ensure I was at least ovulating....no good. I tried the kits for two months with no results and decided to see my OB. Our first decision was to try 50 mg of Clomid to see if that stimulated my ovaries...no good. Bump the Comid up to 100 mg...finally something! I can't even express how excited I was to just hear that'd I'd actually ovulated! Now I'm good to go and we should conceive any minute! WRONG!
After ovulating with the help of Clomid for four months (keep in mind this is 10 months into the ttc process) we finally dediced it was time to meet with an RE. So we did and we loved him! Can I just say how very important it is to feel.... well, important at a time like this? Trust me, all my chronic medical condition put me through for 4 straight years of my life is nothing compared to this struggle! But back to meeting our RE. After 10 months of feeling hopeless, confused, and very very different, we sat with our RE and after 15 short minutes finally had a plan of action. Finally!
Our first step was to see what was going on inside. Most importantly did my pelvic surgeries create any scar tissue around my tubes? I went in for an HSG test in October to find there was, in fact, scar tissue near my tubes- not blocking them- just near them. Of course I always kind of had a fear of this in the back of my mind, but like so many things in life I thought, eh- that will never happen to me. WRONG! When my RE explained the results of the HSG to me, it felt as if he'd just punched me in the gut. Truly, knocked the wind out of me. How could this be? I had one of the best gastrointestinal surgeons in the world! He performed surgery on the Pope for God's sake!
After collecting myself, it was time to move on and decide our next plan of action. As it turns out Clomid can actually decrease your fertility- or rather, you are more fertile without it. In addition, the HSG is actually known to increase fertility for a few months. With that said, we decided to go on a "Clomid break" for a few months to see what happens... After a month of this, I was ready to move on. I just didn't see any point in wasting any more time.
So this brings us to November and our first IUI. My RE opted to do a Clomid IUI with an HCG trigger shot. Something kind of interesting to point out here is that exactly 4 years to the day from when my husband proposed, he gave me my first ever fertility drug injection.... my how far we've come!
After our first IUI was unsuccessful, we opted to give it one more shot (pun intended) in December 2009.... again, no success.
I must say, two failed IUIs was a pretty tough pill to swallow. I'm not sure I've ever felt quite as down or hated my AF quite as much as I did when the second attempt didn't work. Why me? Why after all that I've already had to deal with am I now going through this? I know pitying myself won't get me anywhere so I've tried to only throw myself a few pity parties through this whole process, but you know what, sometimes, you just need a good cry!
So, after 19 months ttc, one not-so-great HSG, and two failed IUIs, we are on to plan Z- IVF. This is another one of those things that I've always had in the back of my mind but never, ever, ever thought I'd have to do.
I'm currently in the BCP phase of the process and started my Lupron injections on Feb 18th! It's such a surreal experience. Just the thought of how much technology has impacted my life. From my life-changing surgery to remove my large intestine some 9 years ago to gaining assistance in- hopefully- bringing a life form of my own into the world. How absolutely mind-boggling!
So that's my story I guess all that's left to say is Let the Games Begin!
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