A Few Good Songs...

I Would Die for That, Kellie Coffey:

I've been given so much,
A husband that I love.
So why do I feel incomplete?
With every test and checkup
We're told not to give up.
He wonders if it's him.
And I wonder if it's me.

All I want is a family,
Like everyone else I see.
And I won't understand it
If it's not meant to be.

'Cause I would die for that.
Just to have one chance
To hold in my hands
All that they have.
I would die for that.

And I want to know what it's like
To bring a dream to live.
For that kind of love,
What I'd give up!
I would die for that...


Haven't Met You Yet, Michael Buble:

I might have to wait
I'll never give up
I guess it's half timing
And the other half's luck
Wherever you are
Whenever it's right
You come out of nowhere and into my life

And I know that we can be so amazing
And baby your love is gonna change me
And now I can see every possibility

And someday I know it'll all turn out
And you'll make me work so we can work to work it out
And I promise you kid, I'll give so much more than I get
I just haven't met you yet...


All is Not Lost, Ok Go:

They could be right about it
They could be right in some crazy way
'Cause if they yell fire, well that's what we get
Yeah they yell fire and that's what we get
So, yeah it's coming babe
Probably bad as they talked about
But just remember: when the tide rolls in
It can't be too long until it rolls back out.....

And when they say that all is lost
All is not lost, all is not lost
And when they say that all is lost
All is not lost, no all is not lost at all...


Bulletproof...I Wish I Was, Radiohead:

Limb by limb and tooth by tooth
Tearing up inside of me
Every day every hour
I wish that I was bullet proof

Wax me
Mould me
Heat the pins and stab them in
You have turned me into this
Just wish that it was bullet proof...

The Good, The Bad, and The Angry

The good: Chris' insurance will cover some aspects of IVF. They will cover "Four Egg Retrievals and Four Embryo Transfers" per lifetime. Unfortunately, I have already used two of these four this year and, eventhough, I'm with a different insurance provider now, it still counts against our four attempts.

The bad: We tried one last "hail mary" cycle before turning to IVF#3. It was an IUI with injectibles (something we've never tried before). I responded really well to the meds and ended up with three follies all measuring at 16mm (two on the left and one on the right).

For some silly reason, I got my hopes up that things would work out. I thought maybe knowing how badly I did not want to have to go through a third round of 3 shots in the belly a day, an inch and a half needle in my butt every night, visits to the doc and labwork multiple times a week, surgery to remove eggs from my ovaries, indescribable emotional stress and pain, not to mention the financial burden would make a difference.... unfortunately, it didn't matter and we received another BFN.

The angry: So, now we wait until Chris' insurance kicks in until we try again.... You'd think after 28 months of waiting I'd be comfortable with it..... Perhaps if I was waiting for something like a job promotion or a new car or a new house, I could be comfortable.... Waiting for a human being to complete our family and to allow me the chance to do what I was put on the earth to do- become a mother- now that's a different story. And anyone who says they could wait patiently for years on end has clearly never felt the pain and emptiness of infertility before... and I hope to god they never do.