Well, hello Mr. Vagcam.... long time no see!

Today was baseline day. I had a date with the vagcam to make sure my ovaries are quiet and I don't have any cysts. I passed with flying colors! I also had labs done to make sure my estrogen levels are low, but I'm sure they are as I've never had issues in the past.

This means I get to start stims on January 2nd! I'll go back again on January 5th for my first follie and estrogen level checks.

On a side note: I hope this doesn't sound rude and I know it may sound wierd, but I'd actually prefer not to talk about this cycle in person. Writing this blog is a great outlet for me and I know it sounds strange, but I would rather just discuss things here instead. Please know that I truly appreciate all the thoughts and prayers, so please keep that coming, I'm just going to try and recap everything here and then turn off the IF chat after that...

Random thought

I was excited about my five-day weekend and all my sleeping in, until I remembered that I have to get up at 7:30 am every day to take my medicine... doh!

Consent signing.... check!

Chris and I went to the RE yesterday for our consent signing. This is something we never had to do with our old RE which is just one more reason I am so happy with our decision to leave. We had to sign a bunch of paperwork stating we fully understand what we are about to go through and other legal gobbledygook. The funniest part was that we had sign something agreeing to care for any child that may result in this process.... Sadly this means at some point someone got pregnant with ART and then refused to care for the child. sigh.

My doc went through every aspect of the process, thouroughly, to ensure I am fully prepared for what lies ahead. Many times throughout our convo she said, "I know you know this, but..." It made me a little depressed to think that we've already been through this two other times, but it was also a little comforting that I know exactly what I'm getting myself into.

After our consent signing, the IVF nurse came in and reviewed my med calendar with me and showed me how to use a couple meds I've never used before.

I'll go back in about a week for my baseline u/s to see if things are quiet and then we'll start the stimming process in early January.

Here we go again...

December 19, 2000

Today marks the ten year anniversary of my colectomy. Ten years ago, today, I lost my large intestine... It all feels very surreal. Some aspects of that day are as crystal clear as the images I'm viewing on my computer screen, at this moment. While other aspects are only known to me because my mom has informed me of them over the years.

More for my own records, here is a list of what I remember about December 19, 2000 and the weeks/months following it.

I remember...

• Being wheeled back to the OR
• Drifting off to sleep
• Waking in my hospital room where my mom, dad, brother, and grandma waited for me
• Having some sort of test done which caused excruciating pain ("more pain than I should have been feeling at the point"), later to find out I had masses of infections in my abdomen
• My mom sleeping on a recliner. (She had the night shifts and would switch off with my dad around 6am every morning so she could head back to the hotel to get some sleep/a shower.)
• Frosted Flakes
• The sound of my mom's shoes as she exited the elevator and headed toward my room.
• The old lady next to me who sounded exactly. like. Yoda. and somehow got used popcicle sticks stuck behind her.....
• My morphine pump
• Nearly fainting when trying to stand up for a CT scan and my dad catching me before I fell.
• Trying to walk for the first time and not being able to stand up straight.
• Snow. Lots and lots of snow.
• Finding out my white blood cell count had finally decreased enough that we could go home 17 days post surgery. I should note, this is pretty significant as we were told I'd be in Cleveland for 5-6 days post surgery which would have gotten us home in time for Christmas. Instead, we were stuck in Cleveland for Christmas, my brother's 21st birthday, and New Years.
• My aunt, uncle, and cousins bringing us Christmas dinner and a video from my family from Christmas Eve.
• What I wore home from Cleveland (red waffle shirt, overalls, matching socks)
• Sleeping in my own bed for the first time in nearly three weeks
• Finding out that after one night in my own bed, I had to go back to the hospital for another week.
• Encountering the worst nurse I've ever dealt with.
• Multiple IV attempts in one night because my veins were so shot.

• Finally having a quality of life again....... I'll admit, I don't remember the exact moment when I noticed I had my life back, but at some point it happened. At some point, all of the pain (physical and emotional) for myself and my family finally became worth it. At some point, perhaps 6 months or so post surgery, I regained my life. At some point, I actually felt well. And it wasn't until that point when I finally realized how terrible and miserable I had felt all those years leading up to surgery. It wasn't until that point that I realized how lucky I was that surgery was an option for me at all and was successful (aside for the complications throughout) in the end.

Today, I feel nervous. Plain and simple. I feel nervous that I don't have much time left with my health and things will soon take a turn. At the same time, I feel lucky. Lucky to have gotten the years I had and lucky to have regained my life for so long.

Tis the season...

As many of those close to me know, I am not a huge fan of Christmas. I'll spare you the details of why. Halloween- now that's a holiday!

Well, I have to say that this week I have actually been enjoying the season. I was able to do what I find to be the point of the holiday (giving) when my office adopted a family in need. On Monday, I collected $150 from my collegues and roped Lindsey into shopping for gifts for the family, with me. We went to Meijer and had a field day! We ended up with about 8 items for each family member (a mom, 14 year old with Autism, 6 year old, and 3 year old) and had a blast while doing it.

The next day I ventured into work and found another 8 or so items per person were donated by folks in the office. We ended up filling my entire car with gifts to take to the family! Amazing!

A coworker and I delivered the gifts to the Salvation Army and it was remarkable! The entire corporate building was filled with gifts! I wish I would have taken a picture. The only thing I'm bummed about is that we can't see the family's faces when they recieve their gifts. I hope they have a wonderful Christmas!

Some good news...

As you may remember, our infertility insurance coverage was maxed out a couple months ago. Because of this, we are waiting until Chris' insurance kicks in next year before doing IVF again. I'll be starting the expensive meds very early into the new year and therefore, needed to order the meds now instead of waiting for Chris' insurance to kick in. Infertility meds are insanely expensive (i.e. ~$2,000 for 12 days of one med). So of course I was feeling sick over what we would have to come up with out of pocket.

Here's where the good news comes in: Our total cost for the meds was... drum roll please...$16.00! (Yes, that decimal is in the right place)

Here's how:
1) I ordered as much stimming meds (Follistim) I could a couple months ago to drain my remaining insurance coverage. This left me with enough to get through the first 6 or so days into the new year allowing me enough time to order more with Chris' insurance where I'll only have to pay 40% of the cost.

2) Lupron, HCG (the triggering med), and progesterone in oil, per Caremark, don't count as infertility meds and therefore were covered at 90%!

3) A wonderful woman on thebump message board who is 13 weeks along with IVF#3 didn't need her remaining meds anymore and donated them to me! This wonderful lady sent me more than enough of my needed medication (Menopur) to make it through this cycle and sent a Christmas card and Penguin Christmas ornament! I ask myself every day what I would do without that message board...

I'm feeling optimistic for this next cycle. I'll leave it at that for now.

18 vials of blood at the lab, 18 vials of blood....

Take one down, pass it around....


Before my insurance runs out this year, I thought it would be a good idea to have all the testing done, I could. My doc recommended tests for clotting disorders, genetic disorders (for both me and Chris), and autoimmune disorders. What that meant for me was this (yes, they all were filled):

The good news is, I didn't pass out! I got the results back today for everything- except the genetic testing (also called karyotyping) which can take 4-6 weeks. Everything checked out okay. Of course, I have mixed feelings about this news. On one hand, I'm glad I'm okay and on the other this still leaves us in the dark. I'm to the point where I'd almost want something to be wrong so it could just be treated.

In other news, I've been doing more lately to try and improve my mental health. I've been crafting more with my friend Lindsey and have been trying to do some relaxing exercises. Hopefully, if I can get my mind right, my body will follow suit.